Fine, burst my bubble...

So I have this obsession...

When I was in 7th grade, there was a guy in band named Chris, who was two years ahead of me. I had the world's worst crush him, it was horrible! I guess you could almost call him my first real crush/love. He was also in the science club with me, and I do remember when we all took a bus ride down to Hot Springs to the Mid-America Science Museum that year. But he was like glued at the hips to this girl named Tracy, and I just never had a chance with him.

Then life got in the way. The summer between my 7th and 8th grade year, Chris' father was killed in a motor cycle accident. And since Chris lived with his dad and step-mother, he moved to Oregon to live with his mom and sister instead, and I never saw him again.

So... my poor young broken heart has always remembered Chris and this guy I always thought would be perfect for me, but moved away. So there's always been this feeling of "what might have been" and these fairy-tale like dreams of meeting up with him again, yada yada. Then the internet rolled around, and these websites of classmates and high school alumni and reunion planning. I can't tell you how many sites I've searched, looking for Chris. And even when I found out about the Private Eye website, I tried it to! But no luck in finding my long lost love.

So fast forward, lots of searches later, and even a few emails from some search engine that emails me like once a month telling me the latest results for his name, LOL. I honestly don't remember setting that one up, hehe. At the first of January, why I hadn't done this before I don't know, but I typed Chris' name into facebook, and low and behold.... a name popped up.

A name, and a picture, mind you it's like an inch wide, and half an inch tall or so! But this picture reminds me of how I remember Chris, and after all these years, his moving to the West Coast, and of all places to be, the guy is living in freakin Fort Smith. Yeah, heartbeat into over drive. But since I'm not listed in the Fort Smith network, I can't actually look at his facebook profile, so I can't really tell.

So I emailed him! Simple email, "Did you ever attend Mountainburg Schools??" And finally, like 3 weeks later, I got an email back from him yesterday. All he said was "Yes I did. Your name sounds familiar." And thankfully, once someone emails you, facebook grants you permission to view someone's full profile, or at least whatever they put on their limited profile (I think). But he only has two pictures up. I emailed him back as soon as I got it and said "Think back to a 7th grade saxophone player with a huge crush on you, LOL." Unfortunately my brain wasn't really thinking, and I'm sure I sounded incredibly lame, but then it was also 3am or so. I haven't gotten an email back from him yet, but the story still continues.

I'm excited! I wanted to tell someone, and Garrick was the only person really online to chat with. And I know that Amanda knows exactly my obsession with Chris, but she was at work, and not reachable til my break time tonight. So my dearest Garrick, I admit to my stalker-ish obsession and you know what he says?!?!?! "let me guess, he is a big ol'e homo now?" Well how the hell would I know? So I go back to his profile and paste Garrick a picture so he knows who I'm talking about.

And then I READ his profile...

Interested in: Men

I give up.... Garrick doesn't understand why I'm suddenly heartbroken, but you know, this guy that I've secretly obsessed over for years and years and have looked for on every high school website there is, that I always had a crush on, but moved before I ever got to date him, has suddenly reappeared and is gay, and wouldn't be interested in me. How else am I supposed to feel???????

What was Garrick's response? "What high school girl does not long for the "gay man of her dreams"???"

Remind me to hit him later for that comment.

So yeah, I've again had my bubble busted, and am feeling disappointment in the reality of this person I've had some mental image/picture/idea of for the last 15 years. It sucks, but I did get to call Amanda, it was nice to tell someone who understood why it was such a big deal, lol. But damn.... he's gay. So not fair.

Who else is in my past that I need to close the door on? I seem to be doing pretty good about that lately. Such is life...... :)


**Edit** Yes, I have also now discovered that he is also on myspace. Lots more pictures there, and even a home video of him helping his nephew shoot a rifle, and his voice is even similar to what I remember, just deeper. My poor broken heart.... LOL