How to outsmart an idiot

I love when snappy come-backs come easily :)

Idiot: hey
Me: howdy
Idiot: what you doin...
Me: logging geocaches I found yesterday with friends
Idiot: i need some ass
Me: you're acting like one, why do you need more?

Score one for me!

Do you hear what I hear?

My hearing's not this bad, but it's funny, hehehe

The story of my life: As told by Google

I'm bored, waiting for the 2am credit reset to hit on Scratch & Win on facebook, LOL. I'm searching random things in Google. I think there's a name for this, but I can't remember it. This started out innocently, but got really funny..... keep reading :)


1. Jennifer wore: an ivory, raw silk Maggie Sottero strapless gown
WOOT! I'm getting married!

2. Jennifer broke: up her OWN marriage
DAMN! that didn't last long... This game sucks

3. Jennifer saved: all of her grandmother's recipes when she passed away
Was trying to save my marriage, but recipes are awesome too! Now if I could only find her coffee cake recipe, maybe I could win my man back via his stomach, hehe.

4. Jennifer fixed: her teeth
You tattle-tale, you're not supposed to broadcast that on the web. Was hoping to fix my marriage.... maybe he didn't like my smile?

5. Jennifer worked: on family ties
Well... that's kind of like fixing my marriage, but actually refers to the tv show, hehehe.

6. Jennifer rekindled: her romance with John in October
Apparently my husband's name is John? Let's see if we can find out his last name.

7. Jennifer changed: Her Legal Name To A Dot Com
Looks like I'm also legally insane...

8. Jennifer checked: in a Long Island hospital last month and was preparing to give birth
Wait... now I'm giving birth? I thought I just broke up my marriage??

9. Jennifer worried: that Kevin was too aggressive
Unless Kevin is the name of my child, I guess that's how I broke up my marriage

10. Jennifer pleased: by students' response
And now I'm a teacher?

11. Jennifer ate: ("Jennifer Ate" is a porn star, so this entry will not be posted)

12. Jennifer logged: over 100 hours of studio time, collaborated with countless other musicians, songwriters
I'm in show business now? I hope I'm in Cats!

13. Jennifer thinks: Brangelina Are "Totally a Joke"
Well yeah, but they're not as stupid as some people are...

14. Jennifer baked: a cake and John helped to decorate it.
whew.... we're still married!

15. Jennifer watched: her man perform
*no comment*

16. Jennifer blushed: “Oh, umm…” “She’s a naughty school girl,”
*still no comment*

17. Jennifer forgave: him. The friend said: "He told her he was sorry and he felt bad
Wait, I thought *I* was the one that broke up the marriage?

18. Jennifer supported: top level executives at companies including Thermo Electron Corporation, Lycos and Monsanto.
Damn, I'm important! Maybe that's why John doesn't want to end our marriage :) I guess teaching and broadway were just on my way up.

19. Jennifer enjoyed: learning about the famous Japanese haiku poet Basho
Well, I guess tastes change when you're smart, famous, and rich?

20. Jennifer slept: here
On that note, good night :)

That's not my translation...

There's a song I always hear on the radio at work that is a really pretty love ballad. When it came on last night, I bugged everyone in the office, stole a set of speakers, and browsed the web until I found the artist and name of the song!

And now I'm trying to translate it. If you'd like to try it yourself, here are the words in spanish, and below I'm going to put the translations from the top websites.

Why does it matter??? Because my love ballad DOES NOT include the words terrorist attacks or Tuna you idiots!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eso y Mas - John Sebastian (sometimes listed as Joan Sebastian)

Me contaron de Romeo y Julieta
y pense que hermoso cuento
y ahora resulta
que es mas grande
que es mas bello
esto, esto que por ti yo siento.

Cruzare los montes,
los rios, los valles
por irte a encontrar
salvaria tormentas, ciclones, dragones
sin exsajerar
por poder mirarme en tus ojos bonitos
y vivir la gloria de estar a tu lado
porque en mi ya siento que te nesecito
que me he enamorado
por poder mirarme en tus ojos bonitos
y vivir la gloria de estar a tu lado
porque en mi ya siento que te nesecito
eso y mas hare.

Por asegurar la sonrisa de tu alma
buscando equidad
yo podria enpeñar lo mas caro
que tengo que es mi libertad
y seria un honor hay amor ser tu esclavo
seria tu juguete por mi voluntad
y si un dia glorioso en tus brazos acabo
que felicidad
si seria un honor hay amor ser tu esclavo
seria tu juguete por mi voluntad
y si un dia glorioso en tus brazos acabo
que felicidad.

Here are some of the more entertaining snip-its of translated crapiness

Google's language translator (2nd verse)

I love to be able to look beautiful in your eyes
and experience the glory of being at your side
because I already feel like you terrorist attacks?

Yahoo Babel Fish AND Dictionary.com Translator (Same verse)

I have fallen in love by being able to watch me in your eyes tuna and to live the glory to be to your side because in my already I feel that you nesecito that and but hare.

Yeah... They need some help :) Btw... it should be pretty eyes, not eyes of tuna, lol.