How to outsmart an idiot

I love when snappy come-backs come easily :)

Idiot: hey
Me: howdy
Idiot: what you doin...
Me: logging geocaches I found yesterday with friends
Idiot: i need some ass
Me: you're acting like one, why do you need more?

Score one for me!

Do you hear what I hear?

My hearing's not this bad, but it's funny, hehehe

The story of my life: As told by Google

I'm bored, waiting for the 2am credit reset to hit on Scratch & Win on facebook, LOL. I'm searching random things in Google. I think there's a name for this, but I can't remember it. This started out innocently, but got really funny..... keep reading :)


1. Jennifer wore: an ivory, raw silk Maggie Sottero strapless gown
WOOT! I'm getting married!

2. Jennifer broke: up her OWN marriage
DAMN! that didn't last long... This game sucks

3. Jennifer saved: all of her grandmother's recipes when she passed away
Was trying to save my marriage, but recipes are awesome too! Now if I could only find her coffee cake recipe, maybe I could win my man back via his stomach, hehe.

4. Jennifer fixed: her teeth
You tattle-tale, you're not supposed to broadcast that on the web. Was hoping to fix my marriage.... maybe he didn't like my smile?

5. Jennifer worked: on family ties
Well... that's kind of like fixing my marriage, but actually refers to the tv show, hehehe.

6. Jennifer rekindled: her romance with John in October
Apparently my husband's name is John? Let's see if we can find out his last name.

7. Jennifer changed: Her Legal Name To A Dot Com
Looks like I'm also legally insane...

8. Jennifer checked: in a Long Island hospital last month and was preparing to give birth
Wait... now I'm giving birth? I thought I just broke up my marriage??

9. Jennifer worried: that Kevin was too aggressive
Unless Kevin is the name of my child, I guess that's how I broke up my marriage

10. Jennifer pleased: by students' response
And now I'm a teacher?

11. Jennifer ate: ("Jennifer Ate" is a porn star, so this entry will not be posted)

12. Jennifer logged: over 100 hours of studio time, collaborated with countless other musicians, songwriters
I'm in show business now? I hope I'm in Cats!

13. Jennifer thinks: Brangelina Are "Totally a Joke"
Well yeah, but they're not as stupid as some people are...

14. Jennifer baked: a cake and John helped to decorate it.
whew.... we're still married!

15. Jennifer watched: her man perform
*no comment*

16. Jennifer blushed: “Oh, umm…” “She’s a naughty school girl,”
*still no comment*

17. Jennifer forgave: him. The friend said: "He told her he was sorry and he felt bad
Wait, I thought *I* was the one that broke up the marriage?

18. Jennifer supported: top level executives at companies including Thermo Electron Corporation, Lycos and Monsanto.
Damn, I'm important! Maybe that's why John doesn't want to end our marriage :) I guess teaching and broadway were just on my way up.

19. Jennifer enjoyed: learning about the famous Japanese haiku poet Basho
Well, I guess tastes change when you're smart, famous, and rich?

20. Jennifer slept: here
On that note, good night :)

That's not my translation...

There's a song I always hear on the radio at work that is a really pretty love ballad. When it came on last night, I bugged everyone in the office, stole a set of speakers, and browsed the web until I found the artist and name of the song!

And now I'm trying to translate it. If you'd like to try it yourself, here are the words in spanish, and below I'm going to put the translations from the top websites.

Why does it matter??? Because my love ballad DOES NOT include the words terrorist attacks or Tuna you idiots!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eso y Mas - John Sebastian (sometimes listed as Joan Sebastian)

Me contaron de Romeo y Julieta
y pense que hermoso cuento
y ahora resulta
que es mas grande
que es mas bello
esto, esto que por ti yo siento.

Cruzare los montes,
los rios, los valles
por irte a encontrar
salvaria tormentas, ciclones, dragones
sin exsajerar
por poder mirarme en tus ojos bonitos
y vivir la gloria de estar a tu lado
porque en mi ya siento que te nesecito
que me he enamorado
por poder mirarme en tus ojos bonitos
y vivir la gloria de estar a tu lado
porque en mi ya siento que te nesecito
eso y mas hare.

Por asegurar la sonrisa de tu alma
buscando equidad
yo podria enpeñar lo mas caro
que tengo que es mi libertad
y seria un honor hay amor ser tu esclavo
seria tu juguete por mi voluntad
y si un dia glorioso en tus brazos acabo
que felicidad
si seria un honor hay amor ser tu esclavo
seria tu juguete por mi voluntad
y si un dia glorioso en tus brazos acabo
que felicidad.

Here are some of the more entertaining snip-its of translated crapiness

Google's language translator (2nd verse)

I love to be able to look beautiful in your eyes
and experience the glory of being at your side
because I already feel like you terrorist attacks?

Yahoo Babel Fish AND Dictionary.com Translator (Same verse)

I have fallen in love by being able to watch me in your eyes tuna and to live the glory to be to your side because in my already I feel that you nesecito that and but hare.

Yeah... They need some help :) Btw... it should be pretty eyes, not eyes of tuna, lol.

A WHAT???

Sorry.... but I HAD to post it


5. small sexing table for sale....

Fri Nov 21, 2008 12:08 pm (PST)
I have a small sewing table for sale for $20...
I live in Springdale.. .
Thank you


Seriously....... DOUBLE CHECK YOUR SPELLING

Meanings for the word “Smurf”

I watched just a few episodes and paused every time they said the word “Smurf” in place of another word. So here are multiple meanings of the word smurf. (Yes, I was bored)

Romeo and Smurfette
Running (I have to be smurfing along now)
Rocker (you’re off your smurf)
Boys (Smurfs will be Smurfs)
Drawing (I’m smurfing a line)
Homely (It’s so smurfly)
Step (I dare you to smurf over this line)
Found (Eureka. I’ve smurfed it)
One (All for Smurf and Smurf for all)
Stand (United we Smurf, divided we fall)
Doing (Nothing Smurfing Gargamel)
Run (Smurf for your lives)
Lives (Run for your smurfs)
Finished (We’re smurfed for sure)
Beautiful (Smurfy day, huh?)
Messed up (You’re all smurfed in the head)

The Hundredth Smurf
Man (You big hunk of Smurf, you)
Sticks (oh Fiddlesmurfs)
Woe (Oh, Smurf is me)
Pretty (Smurfy as Mother Nature’s daughter)
???? (It might make you smurfbound) – My first thought was home, but Brainy was telling Hefty not to lift weights so much, that it might make him smurfbound… I dunno
Picker (A smurfberry smurfer)
Scott (Great Smurf, I forgot) – maybe?
Hammering (Do you have to keep smurfing all night?)
Delicious (Time for a smurflicious bed time snack)
Slept (I smurfed like a baby last night)
Ears (We’ve had it up to our smurfs)
Take (Smurf it someplace else)
Bother (I certainly won’t smurf anybody out here)
Tush (I fell on my little smurf)
Shut up (Smurf up)
Step (Smurf left, and back again, smurf right)
Screw (You always smurf things up)
Peace (At last, I can get some smurf and quiet)

Smurphony in C
Hop (Smurf to it, we’re late)
Symphony (We can’t have a “Smurphony in C” with a single musician)
Make (then go smurf some)
Goodness (My smurfness! They’ve started without me)
Kicked (they’ll be sorry they smurfed me out of the orchestra)
Doing (What are you smurfing?)
Call (That was a close smurf)
Blankity-blank (It’s all the fault of this smurfity-smurf)
Raise (Your racket is enough to smurf the dead)


Have a Smurfy Day!!!!!!

4 yr old cuteness

So it's been a long day of a 4yr old goofiness with my nephew. Here are the highlights :)

I changed clothes at the church and put on panty hose that were a dark brown. When Aiden saw me, he whispered to my aunt "What happened to her legs, they're black." So after the ceremony, my aunt had to show him that you could pull on the hose and see the color. His little fingers trying to grab my hose were very ticklish too, lol

After the ceremony, he went with my aunt, and then my sister-in-law and I went to run other errands. We met up with my aunt at Academy, and apparently my aunt had been talking, and ran into a concrete pole that was only about 2-3 feet tall. Aiden was very good at demonstrating how she ran into the pole, and was then running into us. To the un-knowing eye, it probably looked like he was humping the pole and our legs, LOL.

And then! We went to eat at a Mexican restaurant, and he was sitting beside me. I had the sleeves of my shirt pushed up, and Aiden spotted the mole that is on the inside of my elbow. He looked at me and says "what does this do? boink boink boink" and was pushing on my mole. I said, hey, that's not a button! and pulled down my sleeves, hehe.

I love kiddos... they're so darn cute.

There's being nice... and there's being retarded...

McDonald's late night is kind of retarded....

I've been wanting a shake lately and haven't been to get one. Now usually my problem is that when I order a shake they tell me the machine is down for cleaning, or when they're lazy "It's broke."

Tuesday night I decided I'd get a shake and then go across the street and put my check in the ATM to deposit it. It wasn't exactly my usual late night time so I thought I might get in before a shake was no longer possible. But when I got over there, I was the second in line to order, and it was taking forever. Then the guy in front of me took forever, and I finally gave up, no shake. So I drove around the building and there was back to back cars all the way to the second window. So I went across the road, did my deposit thing, then when I left the parking lot to head home, only one car had moved from the drive through.

So tonight, Wednesday night, I still wanted a shake, and there was NO ONE in the drive through. Woohoo, fast service... Not. Shake machine was working, but I decided I wanted a chicken sandwich too (ok, so I wanted more monopoly pieces). Paid at the first window, sat at the second window. Got my shake, sat some more. Started drinking my shake, car pulled up behind me. Guy behind me was revving his engine and being stupid. I put my truck in park and propped my head up. Finally got my food! I didn't order fries, but they stuck them in there anyway. Nice gesture for making me wait.

So I drive home, eating my fries as I go. Then I open up my sack. The box that my sandwich is in is indeed the "Southern Style Chicken Sandwich" and strangely they have stuck two boxes together and forced them to close together. (Sweet, two extra pieces!) But then I opened it..........

It's not my southern style goodness.... Sure it's the bun, the pickles and the requested addition of mayo, but it's not the right chicken. They have chosen instead to substitute not one, but two patties of the McChicken sandwich for my southern style all white meat chicken sandwich. Would have been nice to have told me! The dorks.... So now I'm having to eat the slightly peppery and extremely breaded McChicken instead of my fake Chik-fil-A sandwich that I love.

Seriously.... if you're out of the right chicken patty, just freakin tell me! Don't make up your own recipe! I'm still staring at this sandwhich, I haven't even eaten it. I took about three bites of one of the patties, but they're too peppery, I don't like them. And if you're gonna give me this sandwich, I'd rather have all the lettuce with it to cover up the pepper. Can I get a little COMMUNICATION???

Pains in the butt....

A message from your chair...

I know, I know.... let the misspelling things go.... But I'm just sharing a good chuckle!

Dr Scholl's Heating and Message mat $15.00

Dr Scholl's Message and Heating mat. You can lay on it or put it on your chair. It messages your upper back, lower back and Thigh area as well as deliver heat.

I wonder what my chair would say if it sent me a message??? hehehehe

The 401-Keg plan

You are now wise. You are about to learn the system of stock market investments.

If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Lehman Brothers, you would have $1.65 left of the original $1,000.00. With Wellman, you would have less than $ .50 left. If you had purchased Aloha, Frontier, ATA, or Skybus Airlines, you would have nothing left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling refund, you would have $212.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. This is called the 401-Keg Plan

How many ways to spell dachshund?

I know I'm hung up on this spelling thing... but it's so amusing, LOL

Spellings for dachshund I've seen....

daschund
doxie (actually a nickname)
datson

I'm sure there were more, but that was just the last few daus
They're also known as weiner dogs and winnie dogs, hehehe

The reason for the SWAT team...

Christopher Jackson, 46, of 1924 S. 18th St. in Rogers was arrested Friday in connection with three felony counts of delivery of a controlled substance and possession of drug paraphernalia. Jackson was being held Saturday in the Benton County Jail in lieu of a $35,000 bond.

They brought a SWAT team out for that??? A little excessive, don't you think?

Just because ewe spell uh word write doesn't mean it's the rite won

Sorry, had to include this in the bad spelling awards....

yeard sail
I am haveing a yeard Sail Fri-Sat from 7am to 2pm there will be alot of little boys close and some little grils the boys stuff is newboren to6 9 moths my adress is *snip to protect the innocent* thank you

You're Welcome honey......

Funny misspellings

I don't intend to be rude and insulting, but some of the misspellings in this week's Freecycle/NWArkTrade ads just cracked me up, I had to share a good laugh.... Now keep in mind I've put stuff on Freecycle myself and I've given stuff that people have asked for, I'm not trying to be mean or kick someone in their time of need, but sometimes you just need a good laugh!

7. offered: spinish
i have lots of spinish. is there someone out there that likes spinish? if so please come get these cans. these are #10 cans which are the big cans that are about 3 qts to a gallon. you can take one or all. what ever you would like. i just want someone to use them. these are not out dated or anything. they are like 2011 so it is good spinish. it's just my kids will not eat them and i don't want to throw them away.
god bless everyone

Spinish? Is that like Spanish for spinach? And umm.... there are 4 quarts in a gallon. Bless you too sweety, but use spell check, and like, the shift key. You'd think if she has so much of the stuff she'd see on the can how to spell it!

14. Wanted some to do flower bed work update
The bed runs down the side of my garage it is approximately six foot by twelve it is full of grass that has been killed off. It has a crap murtle in the middle i want to keep there. (snip...)

I'm glad you like your crap murtle dear....

9. wanted tires 245/75/16
need desp. tires size our car was wreaked last friday so all we have now is our truck and it has a flat and no spare thanks and god bless

Your car smells and you need tires to fix it? *scratches head*

I think I've found my dream house plans!

I'm in love with this floor plan.... it has all the things I want!

* Side Entry Garage
* Garage does not enter straight into the laundry room
* Walk-in closets in all bedrooms (two in master)
* Bedrooms on opposite side of house from master
* Study in addition to two bedrooms
* Bedrooms larger than 10x10
* Coat closet in the foyer
* Pantry in kitchen
* One story except for bonus room over garage
* Has eves and overhangs that will look good in Christmas lights!

Things I like that it does not have!
* No jack and jill bathroom
* Kitchen is not galley style
* Front of house is not a symetrical design (mirror image of left and right)



I'm not completely sold on the look of the outside, but that can always be changed :)

Boredom at work

Joel was in a silly mood..... He was trying to tape the wall and then my desk and seal me in. So I got up and taped him instead :) Strangely he stood still and just let me do so. But I was nice and helped him out of it!




A few weeks ago, they installed a white board in the supervisor's office. We've mostly been using it for entertainment because Gustavo draws silly pictures. I got in on it Saturday night and edited the picture just a little, hehe. Had to go with a luau theme since that's the dinner party I'm planning.

Mildly gross, but hilarious

LMAO

I don't even think I could do that if I tried...

Fun in a photo booth

Got my nephew Aiden to get into the photo booth with me at Fast Lane, got some cute shots :)

An adventure to Branson!

Here's how we were supposed to go......


This is how we wound up going...... LOL.


When we got to Monett we discovered we were wayyyyyyyy off track, stopped at Wal-Mart and bought a map, lol. What happened you ask??? Since I'm in Rogers now, the shortest path to Branson isn't the same one I'm used to.

In my defense, I DID print directions and a map so we wouldn't get lost. However.... with all the discussion over exactly what is leaking on my truck, well, I wound up forgetting them :(

So an adventure it was! When my scanner quits being retarded, I'll post the Dixie Stampede picture :) :) I sure miss dad's turn by turn talking GPS :(

Meet the new "ducks"

The new holi-ducks, four kitty ducks, and an Angel duck in the center :)

If you don't like the poultry industry.... wait a week

I can't tell you how many times my shift manager has said that, but I never knew it was so true!

Monday night
Our shift manager decides that she wants us to start learning more of the positions in the plant so we can be moved around to fill in as needed. Agreement is made that Lines C/D supervisor will spend the week learning how to run Tray Pack, and then in the following week, I will move back to shipping and learn those responsibilities and paperwork. Shipping is currently missing a lead, and in order for that supervisor to take his requested vacation in a few weeks, we need a back-up.

Tuesday night
We got word we were opening the cone lines back up on night shift. When? The very next night... We thought at first it was just going to be a temporary thing, but now we have new business, and instead of just hiring for one line, they're supposed to be hiring for all four. Decision was made to move lines E/F supervisor over to supervise the cone lines, leaving lines E/F without a supervisor. Additionally... Line C/D supervisor's training of Tray Pack is cut short as he has to return to help me run our room.

Wednesday night
Fourteen new hires, split into two orientation groups of English and Spanish speakers, and we have cone lines running. In talking the night before, we discover our lead/trainer for our room also knows how to work on cone lines, so he spent most of the night over there teaching the new people. We begin discussions about promoting new people to leads, and eventually our lead to the next supervisor. He accepted the challenge.

Thursday night
Calm... Lots of talking with our lead about his upcoming responsibilities, pouring over information currently in our supervisor's manual, and information I have promised to help write to make things easier for him to learn.

Friday night
Hour long meeting in the middle of the shift. A decision has been made upstairs to change the typical line arrangements of night shift and instead of 4 lines of Chipotle and 2 lines of zero bone, we're to have 3 lines of each. In order to successfully do this, the experienced line D will switch places with the mostly new hires line F. Line C, a former chipotle deboning line, is basically handed a 4 cent per pound pay cut. We spent most of the rest of the night fielding requests from all of the experienced employees from line C asking to move to lines A/B or the new version of line F. It is believed that our lines are not productive enough, and re-aligning our lines will help allow the plant to run 1-million plus pounds in a five day week instead of a 6 day week. There is much discussion on the fact that currently 4 lines sometimes have trouble meeting chipotle orders and we have no idea how only 3 lines will accomplish this alone. I could go much further, but there's only so much that makes sense without writing you a complete book...

So to recap the week......
We opened a cone line and hired 14 new people, we moved one supervisor to the other room, we promoted our lead to supervisor, promoted a deboner to a new lead/discussion, promoted a meat dumper to the shipping lead. Made a list of 15 people we needed hired in our room to make full lines, 10 more people needed in tray pack, and who knows how many needed to fill the cone lines.

Needless to say....... Tuesday at work should be hell. I hope I have enough chocolate!

New Food Critique #4

Has it seriously been since March that I did this? Geez...

The next selection!

Green Giant - Just for One Vegetables

Broccoli and Carrots in Italian Seasoning - YUM
Nibblets Corn and Butter Sauce - YUM
Broccoli and Cheese Sauce - YUMMMMMMMMM YUMMMMMMMM

They're all delicious, come four in a package, only take 2 minutes to heat up, and comes out to about 75 cents a serving. After trying the Broccoli and Cheese, I picked up the other two flavors next time I was at the store :)



Try them!!!

More Skills updates

Was looking through old posts, found this one and realized I have accomplished a few more things!

I cannot:

* Operate the cryovac packaging machine
Finally had Jose teach me, I'm a pro now :)

* Operate the device that tests the CO2 to O2 concentration in the cryovac packages
yeah, still haven't done this one. But in my defense, the little thing has broken several times and there's a sticker that says "Do Not Touch" So umm.... I'm not touching, yeah, not touching :)

* Operate the strapper machine that puts the hard plastic straps around boxes to keep them closed
I can doooooooooooo it. But don't ask me to fix it if it gets jammed. On a related note, I can completely assemble and strap a tote bin myself with the big strapper.

* Drive one of the jacks loaded with a pallet
I'm still working on this, hehe. My legs and the pallet jack don't coordinate well. I'm working on moving them short distances at a time :) Getting more confident though. It's hard to drive one because I don't want anyone to watch me, and it's hard to find one alone without people nearby!

* Understand how in the world they figure out payroll!
Payroll is still pretty much a grey area......

* Fix the scale settings on the indexer bagging machine.
Mastered! It really was simpler than I made it out to be, the only hitch is that you have to slow down the belt, and I don't like climbing up on the line to do it, so I call maintenance :)

* Operate the lift on the bone trailer
We now have tote bin dumpers on our lines, and they work the same, so this is another mastered task :)


More things I've learned about that I can't do...... (and still have never tried)

* Run/Set up the sizer machine
* Run the marinator in coneline, or the slicer
* Drive the yard dog (the truck cab we use to move trailers around the lot with)

My Own Personal Shopper

Some of the Wal-Marts are re-inventing themselves, mostly the older ones. The one in Rogers on Walnut is one of those trying to change everything under the roof. New floors, new lights, new lay-out, new registers, you name it!

So here's some of my experiences in the last few weeks... I wish I'd thought to take a few more pictures.

* Spices in carts in the aisles with a note of A-H, H-R, S-Z to know which are in which cart.
* Men using a saw to cut plywood in the middle of the produce, getting sawdust all over the place, smoke in the room, and fumes half way across the store
* Aisles on wheels in the middle of the main walk ways running the entire length of the store with no break! Why is this notable? I was trying to go from the middle of the store to the toy side of the store, walked all the way down, only to find that it was roped off before the end. So I had to walk all the way back toward groceries, go around the aisle, and walk all the way back!
* Pet food relocated from the front left side to the center of the back where baby items used to be.
* Aisles on wheels, turned sideways in completely empty spaces (see picture below)


And the best one yet, my personal shopper! When I went in tonight, I needed milk, eggs, and sour cream (among other things). Since they were re-tiling the back section, things were turned in all directions and there was orange fencing blocking a lot of stuff. I couldn't get to the 1% milk, so I settled for 2%. But then the eggs and sour cream were completely blocked, so I went up to 4 associates standing there talking and asked which one wanted to run an errand for me. One of the girls asked what I wanted, and went to fetch my groceries :)

So this is what my Wal-Mart looks like now... how about yours?

My Big Dreams Wishlist

I'm bored..... Here are some of my wishes. Although I think wish #1 needs to be winner of like a multi-million dollar tax free lottery :)

1. Hybrid/Expandable Travel Trailer


2. Chevy Trailblazer (to pull the trailer)


3. Land with lots of trees and a great view


4. Custom built house on that land


5. Calico kitten for Oyster to play with (aka terrorize)


6. Boat for the lake


7. Island Resort Vacation


8. Tropical Fish Tank


9. Screened-in Pool and hot tub


10. Clydesdale horses to hitch up and take to shows/festivals



That's all I can think of right now... It's enough dreaming for one evening :)

This one's for Lesley!

I dedicate this to Lesley and her boys!!!!!!!!!!! It cracked me up and I knew I had to blog it for you :)

My duckies!

I finally discovered the hiding spot for the rest of my rubber duckies and now they're all proudly displayed in my front bathroom :) Thought I'd share a pic or two!

I took this picture!

How freakin cool is this??



I rounded a corner later, and the hand just disappeared!

A funny for you

This wasn't exactly what I was hoping to find when I googled for an image of "downtime" but it was amusing enough to post!!

This CRACKS me up

Man Gets DWI After Riding Motorized Cooler

Some people are morons..........

One New York man's Memorial Day fun ended when police pulled him over while he was driving his motorized cooler.

Leslie J. "Bomber" Marr, 57, was charged with driving while intoxicated and aggravated unlicensed operation of a motor vehicle after the police saw him swerving on the street and driving on the sidewalk in his "Cruzin Cooler," Whitehall Police Chief Richard LaChapelle told the Post Star newspaper.

Marr's electric-powered cooler was filled with 14 beers and has room for 24 cans and ice, Fox News reported.

Under New York state law, driving any motorized vehicle must be done without alcohol, including motorized coolers. In various states, other modes of transportation in which driving is prohibited while intoxicated include lawnmowers, boats, bicycles, golf carts, wheelchairs and horses.

The "Cruzin Cooler" Web site features talk show host Ellen Degeneres riding a cooler. The site praises the vehicle, saying it "combines two basic necessities of life, the ability to have cold food or a beverage handy along with the means to get somewhere without walking."

According to cruzincooler.com, the motor or electric-powered cooler can go up to 13 mph and has hitches to attach a wagon that can pull a 400-pound load on level surfaces.

Two things...

First, it was insanely foggy at 2am!!! I even missed my road! I had to turn around at the gas station and go back, lol.

Second... I find the Alltel commercials really funny now considering Verizon bought them out. You know, the ones with Chad as the Alltel guy and one of the other four is wearing a Verizon shirt. Wonder how much longer those commercials will last....

Another article on the silliness of TX courts...

Judge bases court order for Wal-Mart trial on UA, UT football rivalry


FAYETTEVILLE - In a highly unusual situation, a judge in Texas is ordering a lawsuit against Wal-Mart to hold court, in Texarkana. His reason? A college football rivalry.

According to Judge James Nowlin, because Wal-Mart, and the plaintiff, cannot agree on which state, Arkansas or Texas, to meet in to hold trial, he's ordering them to what he calls "neutral ground," splitting the state line. But, his comments are anything but neutral.

According to an actual court order, the plaintiff, Ruth Waggoner, wanted the deposition of Wal-Mart's representative to take place in San Antonio. But Wal-Mart wanted the deposition to take place in Bentonville.

Now, according to an official court order by Judge James Nowlin of the U.S. District Court for the Western District of Texas, Judge Nowlin is citing the U of A, University of Texas rivalry as the reason why the two sides cannot agree on a trial site, and orders that the deposition will happen in Texarkana, with each party on their side of the state line.

The story becomes more wild with the judge's comments, on the order. He states: "surely the defendant's corporate representative, a resident of Arkansas, would feel great humiliation by being forced to enter the home state of the University of Texas, where the legendary Texas Longhorns have wrought havoc on the Arkansas Razorbacks with an impressive 55-21 all-time series record."

Judge Nowlin goes on to say, "the Razorbacks, who disgracefully retreated from the Southwest Conference to the gentler pastures of the Southeastern Conference, could have likely learned a lesson about stamina and perseverance in the face of battle by visiting the Alamo in San Antonio."

Some Razorback supporters say what the judge did was not professional. Connor Henderson, a recent Arkansas transplant, says he thinks the judge is in the wrong occupation. "I would tell him that he needs to get another job, because he has no idea what he's doing, and that he's blowing things out of proportion."

Holly Lovell is a Texas native, but even she says Judge Nowlin has taken things too far, expecially in regards to the plantiff. "I think that is completely wrong and disrespectful, very much so, to the family. I love Texas, but I don't think he should do that."

Others, like Razorback fan Scott Howie of Harrison, say the judge's order, and the whole scenario, is pretty amusing. "I think it could be very entertaining, depending on what it was about. That's pretty interesting, but you know, as long as we call the Hogs, we'll have our day in court."

Regardless of the way people feel about the judge's decision, everyone says they've never seen a court order like this, before. Order was signed May 3rd, 2008, this case goes to trial because, according to the judge's court order, the two sides must meet outside, on the steps of the Texarkana Federal Building, because it straddles the state line, on June 11, 2008.

And, Judge Nowlin is specifically ordering each party to remain on their own state's turf.

And we're supposed to take the courts seriously??

Texas Judge Cites Longhorn/Razorback Rivalry in Bizarre Order

Posted: June 5, 2008 05:36 PM
Updated: June 5, 2008 05:36 PM

A lawsuit brought against Wal-Mart in a Texas court involves a very unusual order.

According to the order, the plaintiff wanted the deposition of Wal-Mart's representative to take place in San Antonio....but Wal-Mart wanted the deposition to take place in Bentonville.

So a judge has decided that the deposition will happen in Texarkana...with both sides on their respective sides of the state line.

A Wal-Mart spokesperson says they have seen the order and understand what the judge is saying and will continue to work out details with the plaintiff.

Below is the text from the order:

Before the Court in the above-entitled and styled cause of action is Defendant Wal-Mart Stores Texas, L.L.C.'s Opposed Motion for a Protective Order, filed May 29, 2008 (Doc. #26). Apparently, the parties are unable to agree if the deposition of Wal-Mart's corporate representative should occur in San Antonio, Texas or in Bentonville, Arkansas.

The court is sympathetic with Defendant's argument. Surely Defendant's corporate representative, a resident of Arkansas, would feel great humiliation by being forced to enter the home state of the of the University of Texas, where the legendary Texas Longhorns have wrought havoc on the Arkansas Razorbacks with an impressive 55-21 all-time series record.[1]

On the other hand, the Court is sympathetic with Plaintiff's position. Plaintiffs might enter Arkansas with a bit of trepidation as many residents of Arkansas are still seeking retribution for the "Game of the Century" in which James Street and Darrell Royal stunned the Razorbacks by winning the 1969 National Championship.[2]

Because the Court is sympathetic to both parties' positions, it has found a neutral site, intended to avoid both humiliation and trepidation of retribution.

ACCORDINGLY, IT IS ORDERED THAT unless the parties agree otherwise, the deposition of Defendant's corporate representative shall occur at 9 AM on June 11, 2008 on the steps of the Texarkana Federal Building, 500 State Line Avenue, TX/AR 71854.

IT IS FURTHER ORDERED THAT each party is to remain on his or her respective side of the state line.


SIGNED this 3rd day of May, 2008.

JAMES R. NOWLIN
UNITED STATES DISTRICT JUDGE

[1] It is worth nothing that the Razorbacks, who disgracefully retreated from the Southwest Conference to the gentler pastures of the Southeastern Conference, could have likely learned a lesson about stamina and perseverance in the face of battle by visiting the Alamo in San Antonio.

[2] The Court takes judicial notice that the "Game of the Century" for the current century occurred on January 4, 2006 when Vince Young and Mack Brown led the Longhorns in a 41-38 win over the USC Trojans, thus securing the 2005 National Championship.

Imagine a giant bottle of windex...

That's what the parking lot of Wal-Mart in Rogers smelled like!! Maybe with a touch of citrus though...

The greeter said they were re-sealing the parking lot. I guess they're trying to impress the Wal-Martians and Wal-Nuts. But geez... it smelled!

I'll clean this up later, I'm too lazy right now, LOL


Julie Andrews Turns 69, this is hysterical




To commemorate her birthday , actress/vocalist, Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan's Radio City Music Hall for the benefit of the AARP.
One of the musical numbers she performed was 'My Favorite Things' from the legendary movie 'Sound Of Music'. Here are the lyrics she used:
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > >
(Sing It!) - If you sing it, its especially hysterical!!!

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillacs and cataracts ,and hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache, When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >> >
(Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd that lasted over four minutes and repeated encores. Please share Ms. Andrews' clever wit and humor with others who would appreciate it.

I love my monster!

Why I'm thinking about it, I don't know. But Oyster has really put up with a lot in his years with me. On the first of this month he turned 6 years old, which is roughly 40 in human years, hehe.

Thinking back.......

We've lived in 7 different places
We've had 5 different roommates
We've lived with 4 other animals (counting mom's two cats)
He's had horrible vet experiences
He's eaten or chewed on more things than I even want to remember or count! Grrr
He's learned to let me clip his nails and take a bath
He's learned to play fetch with ponytail holders (and still steals every single one I own that isn't put away)
He's learned the words breakfast, hungry and t-r-e-a-t. (notice those all involve food)
He's left numerous scars on me, some still visible, and some have faded
I've painted him with easter egg dye
He's made my feet fall asleep numerous times
He's bitten several people, and hissed at more

And through it all, he's still my sweet and loving kitten and I hope we have at least 6 more wonderful years, if not more! :)

How much was YOUR oil change?

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change: $20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00


Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16-box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trashcan to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over and arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!

SEND THIS TO WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH . . . AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT. .

How to identify a sin...

It comes in a package like this:



Tin Roof Brownie Blizzard Cake from Dairy Queen........ delicious-o.

Beware what you hum....

I love to sing! I love to hum along with movies and commercials, and I have a habit of getting jingles stuck in my head and singing them all night long (Free Credit Report Dot Com is really bad!).

So, nearly every day, while I'm doing things before work, or killing time, I have A&E on TV. I don't always watch each one, but CSI: Miami comes on at 12, Crossing Jordan at 1 and 2, and then at 3, The Sopranos come on. Usually this is my signal to get up, get dressed if I'm not, put in my contacts and get ready for work.

So if you've never heard the theme song for Sopranos, here's how it goes..

You woke up this morning
Got yourself a gun,
Mama always said you’d be
The Chosen One.

But then the last thing I hear usually sticks in my head the worst. So you can imagine the stares I got from a few co-workers when I came in singing "got yourself a gun" LOL. But it was easily explained that it was the theme song and the last thing I heard on TV, hehe.

I hate when they change my TV line-ups. Not that I specifically liked the show that was on before Sopranos took its spot, but I like this one less, hehe.

How to build a Diaper Cake - Day Two

I've been lazy.... but Lishy's due date is approaching, I must get my butt moving!

Where were we...... oh yeah, a box of rolled and banded diapers!

Next steps:
Make the layers of the cake


Replace rubber bands with pretty ribbons

One for Perryn


One for Finn


Starting to look like a cake!


And then reality sets in...

Houston, we have a problem!


Another midnight Wal-Mart trip for me... and I think I know of a yummy way to cheat :D

How to build a Diaper Cake - Day One

Gather your basic pieces...

Lots of diapers!


One dis-assembled ball of rubber bands

Step One:

Separate the diapers and marvel at how little baby bottoms can be.


Roll them tightly and then make Lishy and Lesley die laughing by asking if I'm making them un-sterile or anything by handling them all. Lishy says they're just going to be pooped on, so umm... they're fine :)

But just out of curiousity...

In what language are they called couches???


Woohooooo! First twenty-something are done!


Yes, I made sure each one had two matching rubber bands, I'm anal like that some days!

And yes Oyster, I'm paying attention to something other than you

Even if you do keep me from stretching my legs out

or if you use my leg for a head rest!


Woohoo! The second bag is almost empty!


And this my darlings is what 80 rolled and rubber-banded newborn diapers in a box look like:


More to come later! My hands need a break.........

Google's April Fool's Day Joke!

I didn't miss it this year, LOL. This has got to be their joke this year, hehehe.

http://mail.google.com/mail/help/customtime/index.html

Think Oyster would let me do this??

Cat of 1000 Faces - Episode 1

The inventors have gotten bored......

So I spend a lot of time in Wal-Mart... I noticed a week or so ago a display at the end of the aisle of hot chocolate and mocha latte's. Next time I saw them I noticed that the container says "Self Heating" and kind of wondered who was going to pay $2.00 for a cup of hot chocolate.

However, tonight, I found that whole display in the back of the store, half price at $1.00 per container, so curiosity has gotten the better of me, hehe. At the checkout, the security guard dude behind me they were really good. On the way I got to thinking, these would be really awesome for camping!



So here's the deal, you turn it upside down and pull off a foil that hides the "button" to activate it. You press the button down really hard, and this green liquid (they call it "water") drains down into the container. You turn it right side up after 10 seconds and watch the pink dot on the back side until it turns white and then it's hot and ready to drink! It's not scorchingly hot that you can't drink it, but it's much more than lukewarm! Has a slightly different chocolate taste to it, but it's pretty good :) (Update: duh, I bought the ones with the marshmallows, the "slightly different" taste is the marshmallows, lol) Also comes in several different soup flavors, but I didn't see those...

Links:
http://hillsidebeverages.com/new/index.html
http://www.ontech.com/new/index.html

Also makes a very nice hand warmer, but because of the weight of the special stuff, it's hard to tell when it's empty, lol. I've got to get more of these before they quit selling them, I need them for camping, hehehehe.

Goofy Product of the day...

Slipper Genie Microfiber Cleaning Slippers



Sorry.... still giggling, but hey... that would be a good idea. With one exception... I'd have to move the rugs I have in the kitchen and the two bathrooms to really do a good job!

Nothing to say.....

I just got tired of staring at a chunk of cheese when I opened my browser. In an attempt to blog more, my "home page" is set to my blogger.

Go

Away

Cheese

Picture!

There, that should cover it :) Move along now.... Time for me to sleep... my body is whacked out over the time change, ugh.

New Food Critique #3

More cheese! Lesley, this is your fault...

Sonoma Jack - Garlic Jack
Thankfully, I am not a vampire. Otherwise, the garlic of this cheese would have done me in, LOL. Natural Jack cheese with garlic and parsley. Very yummy, yet very garlic-y. Really not bad, I'd buy it again :)



Cappiello - Smoked Braided Mozzarella
I *LOVE* smoked cheese, and this one was no exception. Two thumbs up, needs no more explanation, hehe.

Silliness at Work

Gustabo and Amilcar are going to dayshift next week. We had a nice dinner of subs and chips and then an ice cream cake. After the workers went home, we convinced Gustabo to join us in the supervisor's office and we attacked him with silly string. It rocked :)