Important heath issue for women!

Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Margaritas. Margaritas are the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Margaritas can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Margaritas almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Margaritas. Margaritas may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Margaritas.

However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it. Side effects may include: Dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke.

WARNING: The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

WARNING: The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING: The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

How to outsmart an idiot

I love when snappy come-backs come easily :)

Idiot: hey
Me: howdy
Idiot: what you doin...
Me: logging geocaches I found yesterday with friends
Idiot: i need some ass
Me: you're acting like one, why do you need more?

Score one for me!

Do you hear what I hear?

My hearing's not this bad, but it's funny, hehehe

The story of my life: As told by Google

I'm bored, waiting for the 2am credit reset to hit on Scratch & Win on facebook, LOL. I'm searching random things in Google. I think there's a name for this, but I can't remember it. This started out innocently, but got really funny..... keep reading :)


1. Jennifer wore: an ivory, raw silk Maggie Sottero strapless gown
WOOT! I'm getting married!

2. Jennifer broke: up her OWN marriage
DAMN! that didn't last long... This game sucks

3. Jennifer saved: all of her grandmother's recipes when she passed away
Was trying to save my marriage, but recipes are awesome too! Now if I could only find her coffee cake recipe, maybe I could win my man back via his stomach, hehe.

4. Jennifer fixed: her teeth
You tattle-tale, you're not supposed to broadcast that on the web. Was hoping to fix my marriage.... maybe he didn't like my smile?

5. Jennifer worked: on family ties
Well... that's kind of like fixing my marriage, but actually refers to the tv show, hehehe.

6. Jennifer rekindled: her romance with John in October
Apparently my husband's name is John? Let's see if we can find out his last name.

7. Jennifer changed: Her Legal Name To A Dot Com
Looks like I'm also legally insane...

8. Jennifer checked: in a Long Island hospital last month and was preparing to give birth
Wait... now I'm giving birth? I thought I just broke up my marriage??

9. Jennifer worried: that Kevin was too aggressive
Unless Kevin is the name of my child, I guess that's how I broke up my marriage

10. Jennifer pleased: by students' response
And now I'm a teacher?

11. Jennifer ate: ("Jennifer Ate" is a porn star, so this entry will not be posted)

12. Jennifer logged: over 100 hours of studio time, collaborated with countless other musicians, songwriters
I'm in show business now? I hope I'm in Cats!

13. Jennifer thinks: Brangelina Are "Totally a Joke"
Well yeah, but they're not as stupid as some people are...

14. Jennifer baked: a cake and John helped to decorate it.
whew.... we're still married!

15. Jennifer watched: her man perform
*no comment*

16. Jennifer blushed: “Oh, umm…” “She’s a naughty school girl,”
*still no comment*

17. Jennifer forgave: him. The friend said: "He told her he was sorry and he felt bad
Wait, I thought *I* was the one that broke up the marriage?

18. Jennifer supported: top level executives at companies including Thermo Electron Corporation, Lycos and Monsanto.
Damn, I'm important! Maybe that's why John doesn't want to end our marriage :) I guess teaching and broadway were just on my way up.

19. Jennifer enjoyed: learning about the famous Japanese haiku poet Basho
Well, I guess tastes change when you're smart, famous, and rich?

20. Jennifer slept: here
On that note, good night :)

That's not my translation...

There's a song I always hear on the radio at work that is a really pretty love ballad. When it came on last night, I bugged everyone in the office, stole a set of speakers, and browsed the web until I found the artist and name of the song!

And now I'm trying to translate it. If you'd like to try it yourself, here are the words in spanish, and below I'm going to put the translations from the top websites.

Why does it matter??? Because my love ballad DOES NOT include the words terrorist attacks or Tuna you idiots!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eso y Mas - John Sebastian (sometimes listed as Joan Sebastian)

Me contaron de Romeo y Julieta
y pense que hermoso cuento
y ahora resulta
que es mas grande
que es mas bello
esto, esto que por ti yo siento.

Cruzare los montes,
los rios, los valles
por irte a encontrar
salvaria tormentas, ciclones, dragones
sin exsajerar
por poder mirarme en tus ojos bonitos
y vivir la gloria de estar a tu lado
porque en mi ya siento que te nesecito
que me he enamorado
por poder mirarme en tus ojos bonitos
y vivir la gloria de estar a tu lado
porque en mi ya siento que te nesecito
eso y mas hare.

Por asegurar la sonrisa de tu alma
buscando equidad
yo podria enpeñar lo mas caro
que tengo que es mi libertad
y seria un honor hay amor ser tu esclavo
seria tu juguete por mi voluntad
y si un dia glorioso en tus brazos acabo
que felicidad
si seria un honor hay amor ser tu esclavo
seria tu juguete por mi voluntad
y si un dia glorioso en tus brazos acabo
que felicidad.

Here are some of the more entertaining snip-its of translated crapiness

Google's language translator (2nd verse)

I love to be able to look beautiful in your eyes
and experience the glory of being at your side
because I already feel like you terrorist attacks?

Yahoo Babel Fish AND Dictionary.com Translator (Same verse)

I have fallen in love by being able to watch me in your eyes tuna and to live the glory to be to your side because in my already I feel that you nesecito that and but hare.

Yeah... They need some help :) Btw... it should be pretty eyes, not eyes of tuna, lol.

A WHAT???

Sorry.... but I HAD to post it


5. small sexing table for sale....

Fri Nov 21, 2008 12:08 pm (PST)
I have a small sewing table for sale for $20...
I live in Springdale.. .
Thank you


Seriously....... DOUBLE CHECK YOUR SPELLING

Meanings for the word “Smurf”

I watched just a few episodes and paused every time they said the word “Smurf” in place of another word. So here are multiple meanings of the word smurf. (Yes, I was bored)

Romeo and Smurfette
Running (I have to be smurfing along now)
Rocker (you’re off your smurf)
Boys (Smurfs will be Smurfs)
Drawing (I’m smurfing a line)
Homely (It’s so smurfly)
Step (I dare you to smurf over this line)
Found (Eureka. I’ve smurfed it)
One (All for Smurf and Smurf for all)
Stand (United we Smurf, divided we fall)
Doing (Nothing Smurfing Gargamel)
Run (Smurf for your lives)
Lives (Run for your smurfs)
Finished (We’re smurfed for sure)
Beautiful (Smurfy day, huh?)
Messed up (You’re all smurfed in the head)

The Hundredth Smurf
Man (You big hunk of Smurf, you)
Sticks (oh Fiddlesmurfs)
Woe (Oh, Smurf is me)
Pretty (Smurfy as Mother Nature’s daughter)
???? (It might make you smurfbound) – My first thought was home, but Brainy was telling Hefty not to lift weights so much, that it might make him smurfbound… I dunno
Picker (A smurfberry smurfer)
Scott (Great Smurf, I forgot) – maybe?
Hammering (Do you have to keep smurfing all night?)
Delicious (Time for a smurflicious bed time snack)
Slept (I smurfed like a baby last night)
Ears (We’ve had it up to our smurfs)
Take (Smurf it someplace else)
Bother (I certainly won’t smurf anybody out here)
Tush (I fell on my little smurf)
Shut up (Smurf up)
Step (Smurf left, and back again, smurf right)
Screw (You always smurf things up)
Peace (At last, I can get some smurf and quiet)

Smurphony in C
Hop (Smurf to it, we’re late)
Symphony (We can’t have a “Smurphony in C” with a single musician)
Make (then go smurf some)
Goodness (My smurfness! They’ve started without me)
Kicked (they’ll be sorry they smurfed me out of the orchestra)
Doing (What are you smurfing?)
Call (That was a close smurf)
Blankity-blank (It’s all the fault of this smurfity-smurf)
Raise (Your racket is enough to smurf the dead)


Have a Smurfy Day!!!!!!

4 yr old cuteness

So it's been a long day of a 4yr old goofiness with my nephew. Here are the highlights :)

I changed clothes at the church and put on panty hose that were a dark brown. When Aiden saw me, he whispered to my aunt "What happened to her legs, they're black." So after the ceremony, my aunt had to show him that you could pull on the hose and see the color. His little fingers trying to grab my hose were very ticklish too, lol

After the ceremony, he went with my aunt, and then my sister-in-law and I went to run other errands. We met up with my aunt at Academy, and apparently my aunt had been talking, and ran into a concrete pole that was only about 2-3 feet tall. Aiden was very good at demonstrating how she ran into the pole, and was then running into us. To the un-knowing eye, it probably looked like he was humping the pole and our legs, LOL.

And then! We went to eat at a Mexican restaurant, and he was sitting beside me. I had the sleeves of my shirt pushed up, and Aiden spotted the mole that is on the inside of my elbow. He looked at me and says "what does this do? boink boink boink" and was pushing on my mole. I said, hey, that's not a button! and pulled down my sleeves, hehe.

I love kiddos... they're so darn cute.

There's being nice... and there's being retarded...

McDonald's late night is kind of retarded....

I've been wanting a shake lately and haven't been to get one. Now usually my problem is that when I order a shake they tell me the machine is down for cleaning, or when they're lazy "It's broke."

Tuesday night I decided I'd get a shake and then go across the street and put my check in the ATM to deposit it. It wasn't exactly my usual late night time so I thought I might get in before a shake was no longer possible. But when I got over there, I was the second in line to order, and it was taking forever. Then the guy in front of me took forever, and I finally gave up, no shake. So I drove around the building and there was back to back cars all the way to the second window. So I went across the road, did my deposit thing, then when I left the parking lot to head home, only one car had moved from the drive through.

So tonight, Wednesday night, I still wanted a shake, and there was NO ONE in the drive through. Woohoo, fast service... Not. Shake machine was working, but I decided I wanted a chicken sandwich too (ok, so I wanted more monopoly pieces). Paid at the first window, sat at the second window. Got my shake, sat some more. Started drinking my shake, car pulled up behind me. Guy behind me was revving his engine and being stupid. I put my truck in park and propped my head up. Finally got my food! I didn't order fries, but they stuck them in there anyway. Nice gesture for making me wait.

So I drive home, eating my fries as I go. Then I open up my sack. The box that my sandwich is in is indeed the "Southern Style Chicken Sandwich" and strangely they have stuck two boxes together and forced them to close together. (Sweet, two extra pieces!) But then I opened it..........

It's not my southern style goodness.... Sure it's the bun, the pickles and the requested addition of mayo, but it's not the right chicken. They have chosen instead to substitute not one, but two patties of the McChicken sandwich for my southern style all white meat chicken sandwich. Would have been nice to have told me! The dorks.... So now I'm having to eat the slightly peppery and extremely breaded McChicken instead of my fake Chik-fil-A sandwich that I love.

Seriously.... if you're out of the right chicken patty, just freakin tell me! Don't make up your own recipe! I'm still staring at this sandwhich, I haven't even eaten it. I took about three bites of one of the patties, but they're too peppery, I don't like them. And if you're gonna give me this sandwich, I'd rather have all the lettuce with it to cover up the pepper. Can I get a little COMMUNICATION???

Pains in the butt....

A message from your chair...

I know, I know.... let the misspelling things go.... But I'm just sharing a good chuckle!

Dr Scholl's Heating and Message mat $15.00

Dr Scholl's Message and Heating mat. You can lay on it or put it on your chair. It messages your upper back, lower back and Thigh area as well as deliver heat.

I wonder what my chair would say if it sent me a message??? hehehehe

The 401-Keg plan

You are now wise. You are about to learn the system of stock market investments.

If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Lehman Brothers, you would have $1.65 left of the original $1,000.00. With Wellman, you would have less than $ .50 left. If you had purchased Aloha, Frontier, ATA, or Skybus Airlines, you would have nothing left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling refund, you would have $212.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. This is called the 401-Keg Plan

How many ways to spell dachshund?

I know I'm hung up on this spelling thing... but it's so amusing, LOL

Spellings for dachshund I've seen....

daschund
doxie (actually a nickname)
datson

I'm sure there were more, but that was just the last few daus
They're also known as weiner dogs and winnie dogs, hehehe

The reason for the SWAT team...

Christopher Jackson, 46, of 1924 S. 18th St. in Rogers was arrested Friday in connection with three felony counts of delivery of a controlled substance and possession of drug paraphernalia. Jackson was being held Saturday in the Benton County Jail in lieu of a $35,000 bond.

They brought a SWAT team out for that??? A little excessive, don't you think?

Just because ewe spell uh word write doesn't mean it's the rite won

Sorry, had to include this in the bad spelling awards....

yeard sail
I am haveing a yeard Sail Fri-Sat from 7am to 2pm there will be alot of little boys close and some little grils the boys stuff is newboren to6 9 moths my adress is *snip to protect the innocent* thank you

You're Welcome honey......

Funny misspellings

I don't intend to be rude and insulting, but some of the misspellings in this week's Freecycle/NWArkTrade ads just cracked me up, I had to share a good laugh.... Now keep in mind I've put stuff on Freecycle myself and I've given stuff that people have asked for, I'm not trying to be mean or kick someone in their time of need, but sometimes you just need a good laugh!

7. offered: spinish
i have lots of spinish. is there someone out there that likes spinish? if so please come get these cans. these are #10 cans which are the big cans that are about 3 qts to a gallon. you can take one or all. what ever you would like. i just want someone to use them. these are not out dated or anything. they are like 2011 so it is good spinish. it's just my kids will not eat them and i don't want to throw them away.
god bless everyone

Spinish? Is that like Spanish for spinach? And umm.... there are 4 quarts in a gallon. Bless you too sweety, but use spell check, and like, the shift key. You'd think if she has so much of the stuff she'd see on the can how to spell it!

14. Wanted some to do flower bed work update
The bed runs down the side of my garage it is approximately six foot by twelve it is full of grass that has been killed off. It has a crap murtle in the middle i want to keep there. (snip...)

I'm glad you like your crap murtle dear....

9. wanted tires 245/75/16
need desp. tires size our car was wreaked last friday so all we have now is our truck and it has a flat and no spare thanks and god bless

Your car smells and you need tires to fix it? *scratches head*

I think I've found my dream house plans!

I'm in love with this floor plan.... it has all the things I want!

* Side Entry Garage
* Garage does not enter straight into the laundry room
* Walk-in closets in all bedrooms (two in master)
* Bedrooms on opposite side of house from master
* Study in addition to two bedrooms
* Bedrooms larger than 10x10
* Coat closet in the foyer
* Pantry in kitchen
* One story except for bonus room over garage
* Has eves and overhangs that will look good in Christmas lights!

Things I like that it does not have!
* No jack and jill bathroom
* Kitchen is not galley style
* Front of house is not a symetrical design (mirror image of left and right)



I'm not completely sold on the look of the outside, but that can always be changed :)

Boredom at work

Joel was in a silly mood..... He was trying to tape the wall and then my desk and seal me in. So I got up and taped him instead :) Strangely he stood still and just let me do so. But I was nice and helped him out of it!




A few weeks ago, they installed a white board in the supervisor's office. We've mostly been using it for entertainment because Gustavo draws silly pictures. I got in on it Saturday night and edited the picture just a little, hehe. Had to go with a luau theme since that's the dinner party I'm planning.

Mildly gross, but hilarious

LMAO

I don't even think I could do that if I tried...

Fun in a photo booth

Got my nephew Aiden to get into the photo booth with me at Fast Lane, got some cute shots :)

An adventure to Branson!

Here's how we were supposed to go......


This is how we wound up going...... LOL.


When we got to Monett we discovered we were wayyyyyyyy off track, stopped at Wal-Mart and bought a map, lol. What happened you ask??? Since I'm in Rogers now, the shortest path to Branson isn't the same one I'm used to.

In my defense, I DID print directions and a map so we wouldn't get lost. However.... with all the discussion over exactly what is leaking on my truck, well, I wound up forgetting them :(

So an adventure it was! When my scanner quits being retarded, I'll post the Dixie Stampede picture :) :) I sure miss dad's turn by turn talking GPS :(